Friday 23rd November 2018 has been a day worth celebrating. The Lord has been so so good to me. Little have I ever imagined that I would finish my Masters course in two years after the tragedy experience I went through on 1st September 2016. Life seemed so hopeless and meaningless. However, God has revealed to me His faithfulness. When He says, His Word never returns to Him void, he really means it. It always accomplishes what He has sent it to do.
Now, when I reflect back on what I learned, I think there are some valuable lessons life has taught me. When you go through the searing fire of tragedy you also learn a lot about yourself. It is my sincere hope that you may learn some from my lessons too.
You are stronger that you know. The human spirit is very resilient, and I think we are more resilient than we know. People I have talked to that have been through tragedy almost all tell me they are actually stronger than they even knew. As Muhammad Yunis once said “Human beings have enormous resilience.” The first week after the fatal accident, many people commented on how strong I was. I didn’t realize I had the strength, but I do. You do too, you just don’t know it yet. Loss can cause you to dig deep down into your soul and find your reserves of resilience.
You can have hope for a bright future. Even in my darkest hours, I always knew that some day I would be happy again. I would sit in my room, being sad, but at the same time thinking where I would be a year or two later. The future was always bright. It called practicing optimism. You choose which path to take, pessimism or optimism. As Helen Keller once said, “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” I always knew I would finish my studies and within the stipulated time. So today I defended my thesis.
You don’t have to abide by the rules. When people are grieving other people try to put rules on them. (I don’t know why) Those rules are either direct or implied. There is a whole collection of rules about a people grieving on how they are supposed to act and feel, what they are supposed to do, how they are supposed to live their lives. One implied rule is you have to wait a certain amount of time after you have lost. I decided early on that it was my life and I would not follow the rules. No one can tell me what to do and they have no right if they haven’t walked in my shoes.
You deserve to be happy. After a loss, there is almost an expectation that you shouldn’t be or can’t be happy. Well that is some crazy thinking- why can’t you be happy? The person that is no longer here would want you to be happy. You have suffered enough. Life is way too short to be miserable. Yes you can survive loss but also thrive.
You are not alone. Sometimes when we experience loss we feel are alone and feel like no one else would understand, but there are many people who do understand. There are also kind souls who care and will help you, just because they love you.
That is what I have learned- and all things that can help anyone experiencing grief. Ann Roiphe once said “Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of a life.”
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