“Honor is given and respect is earned” is a common quote used by most people but “Culture of Honor,” a book written by Danny Silk clearly illustrates what honor is. My highlight is about the two students from Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry who were in a relationship. The two students messed up during holidays and the lady conceived. It’s so amazing how Danny Silk responded when Banning, the second year pastor reported to him that the two students had had sex during summer and the girl was pregnant. He did not condemn them. He instead helped the students discover the root cause of the whole mess. He treated them as free sons and daughters, not slaves. Probably, the students expected to be punished and chased out of the school which was not the case.
As leaders, our leadership has to be inspired by God and we need to have supernatural sensitivity to situations. For example; I have been once in a church where worship team members or church members become pregnant outside wedlock but the responses got from their leaders were never the best. They either became the topic of the day or would be ignored. Instead of helping members discover their identity, and helping them to clean up the mess, they were just condemned. As a result, they would stop coming to church and look for acceptance in other environments. In this book, Danny Silk searched for the glory, wisdom, and capability in the two students and received them in their God given identities. He assisted them own up the mistake and solve it. In one week, the students were able to contact their family members, church leaders, Pastor Bill Johnson and Kris Valloton and some other staff members. Danny Silk states that “Shame is removed through love.” Most times shame keeps people trapped in their mistakes by convincing them that there is nothing they can do but when we lovingly remove shame over friends, colleagues, etc. they become powerful. Through love, the two students were able to clean up their mess. They could not change the past, but they could go to those they loved and ask for forgiveness. Love cast out their fear and made them powerful again. When dealing with shameful situations, it is important to create a free environment and confrontation should be done in love. This way people are willing to; take responsibility for their decisions with truth and integrity, rather than blaming others or circumstances; refuse feelings of anxiety and hopelessness because they know they always have a choice, which gives them the power of self-control; affect their environments rather than being affected by them; set boundaries with those who do not value what they are doing; direct their own lives and visions, knowing they can manage themselves and also love and honor others.
According to Silk, much of what passes for restoration these days is nothing more than punishment; an attempt to control the offender and bring them back into a relationship with the rules. This is earthly wisdom which leads to shame which attacks our identity.
An old meaning of the word ‘restoration’ is to find someone with a royal bloodline who has been removed from the throne and then restore the person to that throne – to a position of honor. Silk recounts a number of stories of restoration based on the principles of honor and love. They are essentially testimonies of Christians being reminded that they were once darkness but are now light. Restoration is about helping people clean up their messes and live as children of light. The stories of restoration in this book are mind-blowing.
The heart of honor is to take the strength of my life and pour it into others. To be more specific, parents honor their children by giving them powerful choices. We honor our friends and spouses by helping them maximize their potential. We honor our leaders by supporting and strengthening them. Honor focuses on empowering the people around us, no matter who they are, or what their gender, age, status or role. Honor is led by love. And when we honor, we are protecting and nurturing our connections with each other. The goal should be to establish and maintain authentic relationship, rather than dominate another person. Honor communicates, ‘My relationship with you is more important than you doing what I want you to do. The result of a culture of honor is progress and momentum.
One of the most important question throughout “Culture of Honor” is, what is the problem? I have realized that until we isolate the real issue, the healing, transformation or change can’t start. So instead of using judgment or punishment to gain control out of chaos, it is vital to honor each other by restoring gently – Galatians 6:1 “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” It is dishonoring to say or imply, “I have all the power… You have none.” Jesus doesn’t use His power to control us, nor does He desire to. When we confront others, it should be motivated by love and a desire for the success of the other person, not a need for control in the situation. Whenever we give people around us permission to be powerful and control themselves, there is the definite possibility that they will use the freedom to justify their selfish behavior. Consequently, the skills of confrontation are indispensable. For most people, the confrontation of sin can feel very threatening, and for some, may have ended disastrously in the past! When confrontation is ‘strategically applied pressure,’ it respectfully exposes areas needing strength and grace. In contrast, if you were to confront someone by accusing or intimidating them (eg. “Stop doing that, or else!”), then this would probably increase their anxiety, bring up their walls, and perhaps even provoke them to withdraw. However, when we confront someone with honor, we are letting the person know how our experience of their behavior is affecting us.
The other powerful insight from Culture of Honor was the fivefold ministries. Ephesians 4:11 tells us that God has anointed some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers. In the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. According to Danny Silk, this order is significant. Apostles and prophets are the foundation of the church (Eph 2:20). Why? Because their anointing is focused on perceiving what is going on in Heaven and bringing that to earth. Absent apostles and prophets and you will get a church that is built on a dysfunctional earth-to-heaven model. For example, a church built on a teacher will tend to focus on what God has done in the past and miss what He is doing now. In a church built on a pastoral anointing the people and their needs will be the main priority. In the Biblical model the priorities are apostles (heaven), prophets (spirit world), teachers (articulating the kingdom) and workers of miracles (the supernatural activity of the believers). Heaven’s design for leadership is based on a team of diverse anointing that work together in a culture of honor to release heaven on earth.
In conclusion, in the quest of helping people clean up their mess, there is need to create a platform for them to realize the root cause. This should be done through love and kindness. Since we are all still a work in progress, there is no need to cast blame.